I never thought I would look at the end of A’s babyhood with sadness. I always had this picture in my head that I would leap and twirl at the thought of no more diapers, bottles, and squishy squeaky plush baby toys. Mark and I went out for a really nice dinner when we finally said goodbye to formula and baby food. And I was pretty happy when Andrew came back from a week at Grandma’s wanting to use the potty more. And I was doing cartwheels when he started doing #2 in the potty, with a lot less bribery than his sister ever did.
So why the hell, when it was time to take the crib down and replace it with a big boy bed, was I sad?
So sad in fact that I took a picture of it!!!! Why??? No more screaming for me because he wanted out of the crib. No more hearing the loud thunk as he climbed out and me racing up the stairs wondering if he broke something {he never did thank goodness}.
Because it signaled the end. The end of babyhood for my last baby. The crib was the last reminder to me of a time not so long ago when he was tiny little infant, chirping his little bird cries, needing me to soothe, feed, and clothe him. Those teeth marks on the crib {from both kids} mean a lot to me. There were many many times when the kids were babies that I though to myself, what am I doing? why is she crying? why won’t he eat? Not to mention the PPD I had…where I felt totally inadequate as a mom, felt like I was looking at a shadow of myself, knowing this person wasn’t me but didn’t know how to stop it. I look at those teeth marks and I smile, because of course we made it out the other end. The kids thrived, I found my way…and the journey continues.
To me, the big boy bed symbolizes pretty much a goodbye to the last tangible baby item. So I allow myself to be sad, to remember what it was like to bring my kids home, swaddle them up, and put them into that crib. {E on the left, A on the right}
But I will admit, he absolutely loves his big boy bed. And it isn’t about me anyway, well…I am excited that I can venture out without a diaper bag now.